- What is abuse?
Abuse is any violent, cruel or derogatory treatment of another person. It can occur in various contexts like schools, home, and the workplace. There are various types of abuse, for example there is emotional abuse, verbal abuse (these types of abuse appear to be quite common but many people do not recognise or acknowledge them as abuse), sexual abuse, neglect, family violence and physical abuse. Often people may experience more than one form of abuse. Below we will explore physical, verbal, emotional and psychological abuse.
- How can one recognise the presence of abuse?
One can recognise the presence of abuse when someone engages in an act verbal or physical that violates the rights of another, causes distress, pain or injury to another.
- How does one tell if someone they know is being abused?
Well, as soon as we notice another person’s behaviour (be it verbal or physical) becoming oppressive, violent or aggressive to another we can identify this as abuse and depending on the manner in which the abuse occurs we will then be able to the classify the type of abuse. We must also be aware of the fact that certain people are more vulnerable to abuse than others, such as young children, people with intellectual disability, people with physical disabilities and unsupervised children.
Depending on the type of abuse there can be signs to recognise that abuse is occurring: for example emotionally abused individuals may display low self-esteem, are very anxious and withdrawn; another example is that physically abused people may often present with fractured bones, bruises and burnings. - In schools, especially secondary schools, emotional and verbal abuse are still common. What type of behaviour should be considered as emotional or verbal abuse?
Verbal or emotional abuse creates emotional pain and mental anguish. Behaviour where one individual or a group of individuals or even the teacher uses derogatory words to another or non-verbal negative behaviours such as isolating individuals from activities can be included in behaviours associated with emotional abuse. Emotional abuse occurs when there is the use of name-calling or negative statements or discriminatory/racist remarks on an on-going basis. These all culminate to verbal and emotional abuse. We use the term person or people because often in schools verbal and emotional abuse amounts to bullying at an individual or group level, but it may not be recognised as bullying when there are no physically aggressive acts.
- How does this type of behaviour affect a child’s self-esteem?
Well, this type of behaviour has a far-reaching negative impact on the child. It is likely to affect the child’s self-esteem, the child may become very anxious, withdrawn and just overall appears unhappy. Long-term abuse may eventually result in the child internalising these statements and believing them, which can lead to low self-esteem or depressive symptoms when not intervened. As a result verbal or emotional abuse can have a ripple effect on academic and social functioning. It is good to remember that a lot of how we think about our self affects our everyday functioning and how we feel.
- Who can children speak to in schools?
Teachers, school counsellors, concerned adults, social workers, parents, and psychologists. Someone who is concerned and will be able to take the necessary steps to assist the child and get the right help for the child from either the school or a psychologist.
- Is this common in the workplace too? Is emotional or verbal abuse in the workplace different from school? If yes, how so?
Yes, this is common in the workplace. The underlying process of abuse is similar in both contexts where you will have an abuser and the abused. Workplace bullying can happen in any type of workplace and to any type of employee. Workplace bullying occurs where co-workers or superiors attack a person’s dignity, integrity and competence, repeatedly and this can occur over weeks, months or even years. A person subjected to emotional abuse may often be falsely accused of wrongdoing, and is persistently humiliated. You could also find a situation where you have a group of people with a “leader” “ganging up” on other individuals within the workplace – this creates a sort of a ‘mob’ system within the workplace.
- What’s the most common type of abuse in the workplace?
Common workplace bullying is usually verbal, emotional and social or psychological abuse.
- How does this affect the performance of an employee?
It creates a lack of enthusiasm at work, low work functioning, lack of dedication to work and absenteeism, aside from the personal impact on the individual’s self-esteem.
- Who does one go to, if a senior or boss is the abusive one?
Most corporate companies have a channel to address these issues such as Human Resources, but speaking to an outsider like a psychologist may assist with support and intervention from an outside resource, which for some is a better option than immediately involving people from departments within the workplace. Ultimately, it does take courage to stand up as one may feel the pressure to be submissive especially if the abuser is a superior. Most importantly, the abused needs to recognise that this is occurring and that seeking support and help is important.
- How common is abuse in relationships?
Unfortunately, relational abuse between spouses and within families is very common. It is now to such a point that in many situations the abused or abuser will not even identify it as abuse because it is such common practice. Name calling, swearing, derogatory statements have become common place in many homes. I often hear “we were brought up like this, we turned out fine”. Many people experience more than one form of abuse on a daily basis. Within the home environment verbal, emotional and physical abuse are very difficult forms of abuse to intervene as a ‘norm cycle’ is created within families where the behaviour becomes acceptable and part of “normal” life.
- What are the warning signs?
Poor impulse control, substance abuse, stressors, history of aggressive behaviours and controlling or dominating behaviours within the home environment are some of the warning signs.
- Why doesn’t the partner leave?
People with a history of abusive upbringing may view this as normal or liveable partner relationships, people who have a low self-esteem or are not assertive may also remain in these abusive relationships as the option of leaving is scary, uncertain and distressing. These issues also become more complicated in instances where children are involved. Cultural factors can play a big role in society where women can take on a role of the submissive partner. Mind you, having said that, there are cases where the abuser is a female. In some situations the abused, by not standing up for their actions, not reporting the abuse, tolerating the abuse and continuously accepting apologies “enables” the abuser to continue with their ways. A term we may use is the enabler or co-dependent. Enabling or co-dependent behaviours may feed into the abusive relationship but this does not mean the abused is in any way accountable for the abusers actions, the abuser is always fully accountable and responsible for their behaviours.
- Why do men or women abuse their partner that they claim to love?
There is no straight forward answer to that. Multiple contributing and risk factors combined may lead an individual becoming an abuser. Role modelling by adults during the person’s upbringing where there is a history of violence (where aggressive behaviours were modelled and used to manage problems), poor anger management and substance abuse are just some of the many risk factors for abuse. Once again, understanding behaviour is never a means to replace responsibility for one’s actions. The abuse rarely happens once. Some abusers may feel that they genuinely love their spouse but underlying partner abuse may be an intense need to control their partner and use them as a means of expressing their anger, power and control. Abusers may even blame their partner for forcing them to be violent.
- If there are children within the abusive relationship, how are they impacted?
Children who witness regular acts of violence are at an increased risk of having greater emotional and behavioural problems than other children. Even very young children can be profoundly frightened and affected by the abuse they witness. Contrary to past beliefs, witnessing episode of violence between people that they love can affect children as much as if they were the victims of the violence. A child’s response to repeated domestic violence depends on a number of factors including their age, gender, personality and family role. Some immediate effects may include:
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- Blaming themselves for the violence
- Experiencing sleep difficulties such as nightmares
- Regression to an earlier stage of development, such as thumb sucking or bedwetting
- Becoming increasingly anxious or fearful
- Displaying aggressive or destructive behaviours
- Withdrawing from people and events
- Becoming a victim or perpetrator of bullying
- Showing cruelty to animals
- Experiencing stress-related illnesses, such as headaches and stomach aches
- Displaying speech difficulties
- Misusing drugs or alcohol (in young adults)Many children may experience long-term effects of domestic violence. These children may learn to solve problems with violence, rather than through more peaceful means. They may copy their parental role models and may behave in similarly destructive ways in their own adult relationships. Children may also learn that it is acceptable to behave in degrading ways towards other people. Appropriate support and counselling will help children to grow up learning how to relate to others with trust and respect. It must be noted that safety is an important issues especially when children are involved in domestic violence situations. If the abused partner fears for their safety, or the safety of their children, it is imperative that the children are removed from the situation as soon as possible.
- Can abusers change?
Yes, but it takes the first step of wanting to change and acknowledging one’s errors. Many abusers do not even view their behaviours as problematic or they feed into their belief that “it won’t happen again” or say they might need help but do not truly believe that they have a serious problem. Although it may be a difficult or long process that requires utmost dedication, with the right help, support and motivation change can occur.
- What should one expect when they call for help?
Interventions for the abuser and abused, family interventions, interventions in school/ or workplace environments. Ultimately, for the abuser therapeutic interventions to facilitate awareness of behaviours, the behaviours impact on others and change in the behaviour. For the abused support and recuperation, rebuilding self-esteem and assertiveness. For families or schools or workplaces group interventions could be used to provide support and recuperation as well as psycho-education of problems associated to abuse, identifying abuse, reporting abuse and getting help. In some cases, where there is a risk to safety or risk of harm separation from the abuser is essential.
- Some important notes…
It is important to stand up against abuse for one’s self or others especially where vulnerable groups (i.e. children) are involved and to ensure safety of oneself and others involved. Supporting the abusers seek help from professionals. We can all begin at home where we can just start with communicating empathetically and in a more kind and respectful manner. Teaching ourselves and family members to respect another’s rights goes a long way for your family and partners. In life we really need to acknowledge the importance of parenting as certain parenting behaviours may encourage abusive tendencies in our children. Role modelling respectful, kind and considerate behaviours is very important.
Note: The information contained in this blog is for information purposes only and not intended for personal therapy.
– Compiled by Waheeda Goga, Clinical Psychologist
